Avoidant abuse can sound like a paradoxical term, an oxymoron even , for today we live in an age where an individual's self autonomy is considered paramount, and the 'right' to privacy, the 'right to exit', and even, the right 'to be forgotten' are commonly considered to be fundamental, inaliable rights. This combination of assigning superior value to independence and autonomy, along with the realities of living in a serially monogamous culture, often means that while abuse within relationships are widely recognised (and condemned), yet abuse can go unrecognised, undetected and even validated at transition times during relationship dissolutions and uncoupling, and even post uncoupling. There is almost a lacuna in social consciousness where transitional avoidant abuse often goes unrecognized, unacknowledged and dismissed to the point of almost not even being seen as being abusive.

Different forms of avoidant abuse, such as emotional abuses like ghosting and discard, silent abuses like stonewalling and the silent treatment, covert narcisstic abuse and even abandonment / banishment, are kinds of abuses that can be very difficult to recognize, reveal or even to understand. Avoidant abuse can often go unrecognized for a long time even by its victims. Many of its tactics and strategies are culturally ingrained as being somehow 'acceptable' - immoral or 'low behaviour' perhaps, - but still 'passable' and somehow even inevitable. Abusers are often trivialised in their malevolent intentions by being lightly described as 'a - holes', 'pricks', jerks, or 'bitches'. Avoidant abusive techniques such as the 'silent treatment' and banishment can be hidden under the guise of a 'non - contact policy' and 'boundaries', denial masked as 'thinking positive' and 'not looking back at the past', and excommunication and abandonment described as 'moving on'.

The effects of all these forms of avoidant abuse on it's victims however, can be traumatic, brutal and devastating, with lifelong detrimental consequences in many cases. This is made worse by a lack of widespread recognition or understanding of the abuse, of its resultant trauma, and compounded by a lack of support for its targets. Sometimes merely naming a phenomenon, defining, understanding and recognising it, can go a long way towards support, healing and resolution for it's victims. Widespread social recognition can offer not only much needed support for the victims of avoidant abuse, but can also give universal condemnation for the abuse to finally hold abusers as being accountable for their actions.

There are a lot of myths and misinformation that are passed around about relationships, breakups, uncoupling and transitioning - many of which are simplistic, inapplicable, unhelpful or simply untrue for cases of avoidant abuse, and which can further traumatise recipients of it. This book takes a strong stance against avoidant abuse as being unacceptable and unflinchingly holds abusers accountable for their actions. It aims to strip this abuse naked, to reveal it and to expose the thinking, tactics and strategies of abusers, as well as detail the effects of the abuse on victims. Silent abusers hide behind silence to veil their actions - this abuse needs to be exposed and abusers need to be held accountable for their sadistic tactics as not just being unacceptable, but also by being condemned for it. Only once this form of abuse is revealed and widely recognized, can the appropriate support be provided for its victims and for true healing to begin.

This book explores scenarios where non contact is used as a form of abuse, when social excommunication is employed via smear campaigns and extended revenge plots; when crucial information and exchange is withheld to prolong and intensify transitional trauma for the target, and authentic communication is refused at every point, with even minimal attempt to initiate it being greeted by severe verbal, emotional and social attack. Unresolved situations can be made to fester away for years and eat away at the target's self esteem, happiness and peace of mind, and to compound this situation the symptoms of trauma are often mistakenly seen as being 'heartbreak' grief, rather than as being a response to abuse. As merely 'heartbreak grief' the victim can often be revictimised and stigmatised, seen as emotionally weak, needy, or even inferior or defective in some way, and also have to bear being placed the onus of responsibility to 'get over it' while their abusers go scot free, unaccountable and blameless. 

This disturbing - and fascinating journey into the culture of avoidant abuse is complex, dark and and can at times be brutal. But, penetrating to its core is the only way to expose it, understand it and most importantly, to RECOGNISE it. This books strips abusers naked... in their thinking, their tactics, their secrets and lies, and their strengths and weaknesses. It also gives a very clear message to abusers - that they are RESPONSIBLE for the abuse they inflict and that their covert, sadistic tactics are now transparent and out in the open for all to see.

This is the book you need whether you have been in long term 'heartbreak' mode, or have unresolved issues from past relationships, or even if you feel you can never get over that one particular relationship and move on - because there is a possibility that it could be due to this sinister form of abuse. 

Drawing upon research from renowned studies on interpersonal relationships such as differentiation theory and attachment science, power tactics and political strategy, narcissistic psychology and other psychopathic pathologies, while at the same time addressing common myths (and countering them), as well as revisiting various ideas, philosophies and traditions which can contribute deep insight into the archetypal human experiences of relationships and their dissolution, and by introducing all these in an accessible and holistic manner, this book aims to provide clarity, understanding and resolution for difficult and traumatic relationship uncoupling / transitional experiences marred by this devastating form of abuse. 

Chapter by chapter we delve deep into the abuse phenomenon :

* Addressing the neuroscience and psychology of avoidance - as well as the reciprocal responses of the targets of abuse

* Ascertaining when avoidant behaviour crosses into abusive behaviour

* A thorough exploration of the tactics, techniques and strategies of avoidant abuse

* The categories of deceit an abuser typically engages in

* How psychological brainwashing techniques such as gaslighting and subversion can be employed by abusers to distort reality

* How and why social abuse, and political / power strategies are employed by abusers in their campaigns

* How smearing, distortion and humiliation can all form part of an avoidant abuse campaign

* Selective victimisation - when only one target is singled out for abuse - because not all abusers are serial abusers

* How abandonment, banishment and excommunication can all form part of an avoidant abuse campaign

* The social, emotional and psychological portrait of an avoidant abuser

* Exposing an abusers thinking and emotions at a core level and revealing their fundamental intentions in the abuse they enact

* How avoidant abusers engage in self deception, and how they can distort the perceptions of others in order to impose their preferred reality 

* Why avoidant abuse is not necessarily narcissism, and why a misdiagnosis of narcissism can be counterproductive 

* Common myths and advice which can retraumatise recipients and further the abusers aim and intent

* How invalidation can retraumatise instead of heal

* Why 'cutoff techniques such as 'no contact' do not work as an effective response to avoidant abuse

* Why suggesting forgiveness can be inappropriate and ineffective for recipients of abuse

* A revolutionary new approach to the nature of avoidant abuse trauma - and why many other common therapies can be ineffective

* How recipients can inadvertently further the abusers aim and intent by their response, instead of countering it

* How to develop and articulate a response to avoidant abuse which can not only counteract, but override the abuser psychology

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